Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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