I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
