somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My breasts were aching with rage.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
