The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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