I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They are going to name an STD after you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
