I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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