just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
