apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You took a bar mat shot.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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