Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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