u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Randomize
