God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
