Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
