I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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