Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
