the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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