I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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