my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
