Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
