dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
