you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
