I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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