Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
two words...techno handjob
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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