Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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