Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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