what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hippo gnu deer
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
