so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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