I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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