dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
