why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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