Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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