between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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