i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize