All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
