They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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