i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
