there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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