At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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