she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
