Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
