So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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