I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
