i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
