I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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