There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
