I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
