he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize