wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
