I think my vagina is haunted
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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