My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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