Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
