I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
