It's like God shit irony all over that family
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
