Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
