this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
