Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
