So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
