So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The air was thick with penises
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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