you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
