if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
