i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
