Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
