Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize