i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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