She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
