I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
