Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize