No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize