BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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